Monday, December 5, 2011

The Crystallised Banana Show


 I suppose I should have enjoyed the Anvil film a lot more than I did. After all, heavy metal documentaries are usually catnip to me, even though they tend to cover the same ground (Birmingham ...blah blah .... heavy industry ... blah blah ...Born to be Wild ... blah blah) and have the same old talking heads with the leaky memories. I'll sit and watch them all night. So why didn't I like the Anvil film?

Well first of all, the film suffers from that common ailment that we can call "Swollen Opinions". Now I remember Anvil back in the 80s, when they were seen as a silly bunch of chancers from Canada who would pose for photos with a vibrator (or as Kerrang! put it: "erm, a crystallised banana"). However, according to the film, they were one of the time's most influential bands who somehow unjustly missed out on stardom. So we saw an old copy of Kerrang with them on the cover, even though back then Kerrang would put pretty much anybody on the cover, such as Aldo Nova, Baron Rojo and Budgie. We had Malcolm Dome go on about how "heavy" they were, and we got endorsements from folk like Lemmy, Scott Ian, Lars Ulrich and Slash. In fact we got to hear more people talking about their music than the music itself, and when you heard the music you realised why.

However, the other reason I didn't warm to the film may just be a consequence of me getting older. The "plot" of the documentary involves Lips raising 13,000 pounds from his sister to finance recording professionally their new album (their 13th) which they then hawk (unsuccessfully) around major record labels. We're meant to see this as showing that they have a Never Say Die spirit and are fully dedicated to living the Rock & Roll Dream. But I just saw it as desperation, a last Hail Mary from a bunch of 50-something musicians in denial who can't accept that their time has past. The younger me would probably have admired that dedication. The older me felt sorry for the sister.

Edit: I've realised that my friend Bright Ambassador also wrote a (much better) post about the film, and moreover, unlike me, wrote about the damn thing when it came out. You can read it here.

12 comments:

  1. The Love Fungus story was much better (even though Birmingham does feature in it).

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  2. That's a brilliant story. I have no problem with folk who were in a band 20 years ago getting back together for fun. What I find vaguely depressing is people just plugging on, because they can't think of anything else to do. I was always fascinated by the "Where are they now?" section in Q Magazine, because you always found that at least half the members of the band were still in the music business twenty years after their fleeting brush with the top 20, usually "working on dance-orientated stuff that we hope to release on an independent label in the new year".

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  3. I see what you mean, Thumper. But I think the film was about the sense of desperation and denial. I don't think we were supposed to see Anvil as rock and roll heroes. Just oddly likeable deluded souls. What was good about it was that it managed to show the terrible disappointment and ridiculous amateurism of their failed rock career, without being cruel. That's why I liked it.

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  4. I take your point, and I agree that if you watch it as a study of denial it becomes a better film. However, if that were the director's intention, he shouldn't have ended on the high with them in Japan, unless that was a homage to Spinal Tap. And Anvil are no Spinal Tap, they don't have anything nearly as good as Big Bottoms or Stonehenge.

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  5. I concur on your Anvil assessment. Also your Kerrang assessment. Though at least most people on the cover in those days didn't look like the student twat next door. This also gives me an opporchancity to plug an hilarious article from my blog...

    www.satyremagazine.blogspot.com/2009/01/saxon-embroiled-in-hip-hop-outrage.html

    The film rights are up for grabs.

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  6. PS.

    Remember those flexidisc thingy's? Like wots on the Kerrang cover.
    I always had to sellotape a two bob bit to them to get them to sit still on my turntable. Otherwise they'd just get dragged round and round by the needle.

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  7. For God's sake Tom, you were supposed to put the Flexi on top of a proper single! I thought everybody knew that!

    Did you notice how they would give away a Flexi when the cover star wasn't exactly A List? I remember them giving away flexis on issues with Aldo Nova, Budgie and Anvil on the cover. I don't think that was coincidence.

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  8. I also the Ming the Mercilessesque John McCoy on the cover. Remember when he split from Gillan he formed a band of fat bastards called Mammoth?

    here they are in all their hilarious glory..

    www.youtube.com/watch?v=h7gk30eVUV4

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  9. Yes, I remember Mammoth, that was in the dog days of the British Heavy Metal scene, when people were pinning hopes on the likes of them, Mama's Boys and Heavy Pettin'. Bon Jovi must have been shaking in their pointy little boots.

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  10. I love the Anvil film, I think Drakey hits the (metal) nail on the head. Anvil went down the sidetrack to the buffers as it were and the film showed the current day aftermath.

    As for Anvil back then, many of my peers didn't care much for them and Lips screeching, personally I loved it and the double entendre lyrics. I was fortunate to have seen them when the played support to Motorhead in the Apollo Glasgow back in what 1983, it was quite wonderful as I recall.

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  11. I didn't warm to them Jimmy, I just thought they were deluded about how good/important their band was and how they wanted to be "rock stars".

    It's interesting that you saw them with Motorhead back in 83; is it true that Lemmy offered Lips the guitarist role after either Fast Eddie or Robbo left the band?

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  12. Yes that's the story Thumper, I read this a while back. It was after Fast Eddie left I think.
    I wonder how that would've turned out. I don't think it would have lasted, but lasted longer than Robbo though I bet!

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